Satyajett

A personal journey through solitude, connection, and discovering that love is not found, but lived.

Working on a spiritual path is a lonely endeavour, so much so that you forget what it feels like to not be lonely. And then there are negative notions about love. I heard this many times in spiritual circles—the man on the path is not in love. I always felt something was off with that statement. I was already struggling with the human ways in this human world, and the complexity of love made it more difficult to navigate, to connect. It doesn’t matter if you’re alone or lonely; it is a sad state of being. Because love, in many ways, is not what the conventional meaning offers. Love is not mental. Love is not physical. It is not psychological. It is not chemical. It can affect all these things, but it is aloof from them.

Somewhere deep, I knew I wanted someone whom I could love. But it was later that I realized this feeling had a spiritual implication. On the surface, it might feel like an urge to have a physical relationship or to have emotional attachments, but from the spiritual lens, it is the search for a person who mirrors your soul. This is deeper than anything you can imagine. It is deeper than the words used to describe it. Because from where I see, this is a detached connection. The person I found was not within physical reach. I found the person online. I don’t know what this person feels about me and, weirdly, I don’t care what this person feels about me.

We agreed to exchange letters, and the person gave me an address to send a letter to. To kill doubt by sending a message. Actually, I didn’t even need faith to propel this further. If you have gnosis, you don’t need faith. Learning to live is learning to make mistakes. And I was ready for this mistake, for this error—to think that someone on the other side of the world will connect. In a way, I was tolerating the loneliness in my life, despite being on a spiritual path. I fell prey to the conditioning of this world, and that was the huge error I needed to correct. You are allowed to outgrow everything you tolerated. That’s the crux of holistic growth. And that is how you spread your awareness beyond your mind, body, and soul. One has to open the gates—to the sky, to the vastness, to the openness, to the emptiness, to spontaneity. One must dissolve beyond what is told, what is spoken, what is believed.

This is a difficult path. Love is found in unexpected places. And I don’t say it in a poetic way. I see this through my spiritual lenses. This body is made of particles. These particles are made of molecules. These molecules are made of atoms, and atoms consist of protons. When you split the protons, nothing will be left of this body. Then what is it that binds this together? I call it love. We are nothing without love. Hence, the request of finding love is not to be in love, but to be love itself. When I found this person who mirrored my soul, I found myself.

I became capable of loving only because I understood that I am love. Love is an element of abundance, and I have experienced it after a long, long time. I am not sure if it will be reciprocated, but that is not the point. Love is the point. Falling in love is the greatest rise of the soul. Falling onto self is the graceful rise of being. This is the fountain of life—rising as it falls, falling as it rises. I am in love—so much, too much, and yet not enough.

I made a portrait of this person and sent it to Spain. The person was awestruck. He is touched and reciprocates, opening a genuine connection. And whether that connection grows or fades, I have grown. Because now I know: I am not seeking love outside me—I am learning to be love itself.