Clothes are to the body like thoughts are to the mind.
I found my old jeans in the closet. I used to fit perfectly into those jeans when I weighed 72 kgs. I was very comfortable in my luxury fashion identity and style. It was very natural for me to dress up every morning. It was my second nature. And I wasn’t aware of this until my self-expression was restricted. I developed an eating disorder, and everything changed. Additionally, I was on a spiritual path for a very long time, which added to the neglect towards the body.
I want to fit into those jeans again. I now want to reclaim that feeling of ease and self-expression in my style—fitting into both those jeans and that mindset again. I’m done with the notions and judgements of what it means to be spiritual. In fact, I renounce my spirituality. By the grace of the Masters and the spirit within, I have found something and am moving silently beyond spirituality, the mind, and all the entertainment that is going on on the surface. I want to reclaim the feeling of ease and self-expression in my style, fitting into both the jeans and the mindset again. There is not much left to life. Reality is utterly boring. Bliss loses its lustre over time. What is that to the man who dies every day? What is life to the man who lives every moment? It is nothing at all.
Only light remains, and the temple that hosts it. The body is the last gate. After that, only light remains. I am now 107 kgs, facing both physical and emotional challenges that luxury fashion can’t hide. It has become evident how fashion and luxury were second nature to me back in those days. Suddenly, I have become aware of everything that I have lost. Suddenly, I have become aware of everything that I have gained. Suddenly, there is clarity about what I want and what I want to reject. This body is the temple to the light. I want to decorate it as homage to the spirit within. Phase two presents challenges when looking at fashion as self-expression. First, it is the bodily problem—the weight. Secondly, it is the question of what should be reflected without the mirrors within.
I have decided to embark on a personal journey—not just weight loss, but refining my relationship with style and self. One radical Master I met had suggested that I should start a new project just to anchor myself back in the world until I am fully in the body. To be frank, it feels odd to write about myself and the materialistic things that I am interested in. But in reality, everything we can see, touch, and experience through the senses is energy. Matter is energy, and energy is the only thing that matters. This is a conscious effort. But I don’t want to be pretentious about it, because I don’t have the energy to invest in pretentiousness. It is true that this is going to take effort, at least in the initial stage. This is not just weight loss, but redefining my relationship with style and self. I imagine this like a burst of particles floating in space, now remembering where they belong and trying to adjust to the new reality—the ultimate reality. Don’t worry, I’m not going to put on a robe. But the journey is going to be spiritual—by rejecting what is excess and accepting what is as it is. To let go and let come is the natural flow of being, just like breathing.
This is a new path for me, and I am eager to take it. Along the way, I must confront vulnerabilities—sharing my story, dealing with setbacks, and realising that style isn’t just about appearance. Secondly, I should be cautious not to misunderstand or clutter the bridge between the known and the unknown. For that, I will have to discard everything and start anew—again and again. That’s the most interesting and also the most difficult part of the journey, because conveying something that has just begun is almost impossible. I am already open, but now I am presenting this openness in front of you. I trust you, and I trust myself, and yet there is this awkwardness of formality in expressing who I am—only because we haven’t met.
I return to you—not just talking about products and hiding behind gowns and jackets, but bringing them along on a journey where luxury fashion meets personal truth. This is the time not to forget that clothes come after the naked body. I have changed. I am changing. And I will keep changing. I used to write about philosophy, spirituality, and intellectual ideas. But life would be a waste if I can’t find the same zest of the divine source of benevolence in everything around me. In fact, intelligence and knowledge sometimes distance me from the joys and freedom of life. And so I blend it with something even more dear to me. It’s now a blend of luxury, style, and real personal storytelling.